Sex anxiety isn’t abnormal and can have many root causes. Whether it’s your first time, you’ve been out of the game for a while, you had a previous unenjoyable experience, or you suffered a traumatic experience, the idea of having sex can be intimidating.
Whether it’s a simple personal block or a larger phobia, there are ways to overcome this fear and turn it into something fun as it should be!
1. Create a Mood
Sex is supposed to be fun, enjoyable, and pleasurable, not scary, nerve-wracking, or harmful to your mental well-being. Start with changing your mindset. Lose the thought that everything has to be perfect. There isn’t a right and wrong way to go about sex. You’re not in a movie, so try not to compare what you see there to what the reality is or will be.
Use meditation if need be to help put your mind at ease. The more stressed you are, the more anxious you’ll stay. No one is perfect, so challenge that mentality as much as possible.
To further complement your calm state of mind, create a comfortable environment for yourself. If you feel physically at ease, it can help keep the stress level down. Dim the lighting, use cozy pillows/blankets, put on a playlist, etc. What will make you feel most at ease?
2. Practice
As it stands for most things, practice makes perfect. This doesn’t mean jumping from bed to bed. Think more along the lines of becoming more familiar with yourself or with your significant other if that is the level you both are on.
No matter what your anxiety is caused by, getting to know yourself, your body, and your own desires is empowering. Not only that, it can drive the experience and reduce your hesitation. The more comfortable you can feel with your own body, the more confident you will be. Confidence in yourself will reduce some fears you may be having.
If you are in a partnership already, it can improve communication and elevate that experience. Sex without that attention and energy to feed off of most likely won’t be that enjoyable.
3. Communicate Effectively with Your Partner
Speaking of communicating with your partner, if you have sex anxiety, finding a safe space within your partner can be key. If you’re with the right person, you should be able to discuss these fears with them and receive comforting assistance in working through them.
Don’t be afraid to take things slowly. There’s no point in jumping into the deep end of the pool if you’re not ready, and then you both have a less-than-stellar time. Maybe you start off with foreplay and work your way up to the full show. Share your comfort level with your partner and agree on the pace.
The same goes for how adventurous you want to be. Everyone is susceptible to nerves on this front. Whether you’re new to this or fearful after previous experiences, there’s no reason to be outside your comfort zone if you don’t want to be. Start with the basics and move on to more advanced options down the road.
4. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Overcoming a strong fear or phobia is often treated using a psychotherapy approach like cognitive behavioral therapy. Research in this area has shown positive results in overcoming that fear.
Cognitive behavioral therapy aims to challenge and change the way you think about the situation, in this instance, sex. In the process, you will learn about your triggers and techniques to counter your reaction to the trigger. Depending on your progress, they may also pair exposure therapy with cognitive behavioral therapy. A two-in-one approach.
Don’t let your fear overcome you. Consult us today for a free consultation.
Learn more about anxiety therapy in Colorado. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver.
For your other needs, you can count on April Lyons Psychotherapy Group, to help you heal and grow through EMDR therapy, somatic therapy, trauma therapy, and PTSD treatment – because we believe in your strength and potential for recovery.
