Bipolar shame is common and so is recovery.
How often do you get the advice, “stay in the moment?” Maybe it's a mantra you speak internally as a defense against the stress of our current world and the strain of having bipolar too. No matter how you arrive there, the desire to be present and mindful is often a relief if you can manage it. Yet, sometimes it may feel like a double-edged sword.While it is helpful to observe and accept life as it is, this can also fall under the objective of “easier said than done.” Why?
Because our lives, especially our pasts, often come with a supply of guilt, shame, and regret that has a way of stealing our attention. No one knows that better than a person living with the highs and lows of bipolar disorder. Too often, poor choices lead to self-blame and damaged relationships. Unfortunately, this can accumulate in your body and mind...until you begin to heal and find ways to reconcile your relationships with yourself and others.
You are Not Alone. Regrets Are a Common Experience
Regret is a negative emotional state. If you aren't able to process and release it, regret can trap you in a cycle of guilt and shame. You may recall and replay circumstances linked to mistakes, impulsivity, or missed opportunities over and over. A situation or relationship may not go as we hoped. You might wish you could have a do-over. The reality that the past cannot be undone may feel unfair or even torturous. Thus, regrets can become preoccupations and the potential to get stuck is real.
Do you feel you cannot recover from the negative memory?
Do you fear repeating similar mistakes?
When regrets become chronic, they can do damage to your physical and mental wellbeing. You become less emotionally resilient and more physically tense, Even your immune system can weaken from the stress.
Bipolar Shame and Recovery
5 Ways to Heal and Reconcile Past Regrets
1. Observe: Tune In and Reflect
Rather than stuff, avoid, or deflect, tune into how your body reacts to your regrets. Consider how your thoughts are triggered by topics to situation linked to your regrets. The mind and body are deeply rooted and intertwined. Tracking the sensation connected to your regret can help you start to heal and reconcile with yourself. From there, reaching out may be a less anxious prospect. You may find as well, that as time passed, your guilt may have led you to reframe the past to make yourself look (and feel) worse than the situation warranted. Perhaps you assumed more blame than you deserve. Maybe you perceived the fallout incorrectly. The ability to check-in with yourself honestly and without judgment can open your mind and provide clarity.
2. Acceptance: Regret is Inevitable
You are not uniquely flawed. Everyone makes mistakes and, by definition, that means we all do things we regret. Give yourself permission to be human. This may free you up to move forward more productively. It's okay to say, "I messed up but I'm not a messed up person." Shame is not helpful or beneficial. You don’t need to punish yourself for being human with a challenging disorder. Allow yourself the chance to acknowledge the pain and move forward.
3. Use Regret as Motivation to Make Amends and Grow
It sounds cliché, but regret often presents the opportunity to improve self-awareness, develop new purpose, and expand relationships. Regret needn't hold you in the past or lead to unproductive rumination or depressed thinking. With support and encouragement, you may discover that a painful misstep can shape your present and a better future.
Think of all the missed game-winning shots that inspire athletes to grow, evolve, and be ready next time. Consider the people around them who benefit as well.
4. Let It Go: Physically, Emotionally, Mentally
You can respect your past without living in it now. Nowhere is it written that you have to hold on to pain as punishment. You can move on. You are allowed to own your past and still free yourself from the pain of it. To let go is to process and become "unstuck."Feel what you need to feel. It's okay to grant yourself permission to recover and heal.
There is no shame in letting go. A professional might be able to help you process your memories, thoughts, and behaviors through talking, body-centered work, or a combination of both. This may be an extension of your bipolar treatment or in addition to it. Ideally, you will experience more resilience, freedom, and confidence to make positive choices and create better relationships.
5. Reach Out: You Don't Deserve Disconnection
Finally, you may think you've blown your chance to connect with others. That is far from true. Everyone is hardwired to belong. Put yourself in a position to open up and connect again. You may or may not be able to connect and with the people involved in your regretful situation. If you can, make the effort to apologize where appropriate and slowly earn their trust if they allow it. If not, let your past experience inform new relationships now. Does any of this sound impossible? You may need to connect with a compassionate, non-judgmental therapist first. You deserve to move forward.
Bipolar Shame and Recovery Help is Available. You are Worthy.
As you seek treatment for bipolar disorder and wrestle with the past, it can be comforting to know support and change lives in the present. Working with a counselor is a proven path toward awareness and recovery. In your weekly sessions, you and your therapist will work together to uncover what’s keeping you stuck. From there, patterns will be revealed and new methods proposed. Regret can be a formidable opponent but that struggle is made so much easier when you have a skilled professional in your corner.
I’m here to help and look forward to supporting you with bipolar shame and recovery. Let’s work through this together. Reach out for a free consultation soon.
Learn more about Bipolar Treatment in Boulder, CO. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver...
