Trauma is a deeply personal experience that often causes life-altering changes. People frequently internalize their struggles and attempt to repress memories of the event in an act of self-preservation.
When someone chooses to open up about their experience, it can be easy for that natural helper instinct to kick in. You want to say the right words and do the right thing to make them feel better.
Unfortunately, that natural response isn’t always the most helpful. In fact, it can have the opposite effect of what you intended. It’s important to be supportive, but also aware of healthy boundaries. Here are five positive ways you can respond when someone shares their trauma.
Be an Active Listener
It’s human nature to begin thinking about a response to a conversation while the other person is still talking. That means less focus on actually hearing what the other person is saying.
Combine that with the fact that we all have our own experiences, some of which include our own personal traumas or stories of others who have gone through something similar. It makes it very easy to take over conversations.
What you can do is practice being an active listener with an empathetic ear. Avoid interrupting someone else’s thoughts other than when providing verbal acknowledgment. Allow them to share at their own pace and give them your undivided attention. Sharing makes you vulnerable, so creating this safe space can go a long way towards healing.
Provide a Validating Response
If and when someone decides to open up about their trauma, it’s important to realize they are putting themselves out there. In some capacity, they’re looking for validation that they are okay and that everything will work out.
Avoid saying anything that can minimize what they’re experiencing. You’ll also want to avoid sharing your similar story as it can come off as one-upping them.
Instead, let them know their feelings are valid. You can say things like “It’s understandable that you feel this way” or “I’m sorry you’re going through this challenging time.”
People aren’t always looking for you to fix anything or give the “best” advice. Oftentimes, they just want to feel heard.
Be Trustworthy and Maintain Confidentiality
We live in a very social world where people are always looking for the latest gossip and others can be more than willing to share. If someone opens up to you about their trauma, it’s because they trust you.
It probably took a lot of courage to get that vulnerable. Be respectful of their feelings and their privacy. Allow them to control the situation by being the gatekeeper of their story. So long as there is no immediate risk to their safety by not sharing, keep that information between you two.
Respect Boundaries
Everyone manages their personal issues in their own way. Some people may want to share their whole story while others don’t want to talk about it in much depth.
This is one of those instances where you need to meet someone where they’re at and push no further. If someone is willing to share a snippet of their story, respect that boundary. Don’t pry or try to change their mind, especially under the premise that it’s for their own good. Allow them to move at their own pace and let them know you’re always available to listen if and when they are ready.
Offer Support
Never pressure anyone to take specific actions after they’ve shared information with you. Let this person know that you’re going to be there for them anytime they need it. If they ask you to help with something specific, be flexible in doing so.
Offer to research additional resources or support group options. Ask how you can best support them. If nothing else, reiterate that you’re in their corner and they don’t have to do this alone.
Therapy for trauma recovery can be a great tool for establishing coping skills and processing memories or emotions. If you or a loved one could benefit from trauma therapy sessions, contact us to schedule a consultation.
