Are you dedicated to someone who takes advantage of your devotion? Could the relationship you’ve poured yourself into be toxic or destructive? Are there so many highs and lows that frequently feel insecure, broken, and needy?
If a major relationship in your life is marked by these disturbing questions and more, it may be time to answer the most important one:
How Do You Break A Trauma Bond?
What’s a trauma bond? This sort of connection is actually a relationship shaped by unreliable, inconsistent reinforcement patterns. Promises are broken. Content, calm periods don't last. ”Out-of-nowhere” intensity and negativity always follow. Everything seems inordinately complicated and erratic. Anxiety is an integral part of your interactions (or lack thereof).
There are some key indicators that this is what you’re dealing with:
Signs That Your Relationship is Actually a Trauma Bond
The best way to exit a trauma bond is to educate yourself about your own situation. When you have a clear sense of what’s happening you’ll be more motivated to prioritize yourself, break the bond, and keep it broken.
Consider the following clear trauma bond indicators:
Broken promises are the norm. The other person’s actions consistently fall short of their words and commitments.
People are shocked. You’re numb or unaware of their offensive behavior towards you. Still, you notice how other people react to it.
Cutting ties feels too difficult. Your attachment to the other person is so strong that you feel powerless to leave regardless of your negative feelings toward them.
You’re okay with positive crumbs and negative attention. You’ve learned to take what you can get, even feeling rewarded by the ups and downs of any sort of interaction with you.
You are always emotional tiptoeing and walking on eggshells. You’re anxious, self-blaming, and on edge, careful to suppress your own feelings and refrain from upsetting them.
The same conflicts repeat without resolutions. No matter what, the arguments reoccur. Each time you fight, you feel more discouraged and hopeless.
You’re always drawn back. The pain you feel if you do break away is excruciating. You always miss them and reestablish the relationship.
Commit to Truth, Self-Care, and Healthy Connections
Make reality your priority. Try to look at what’s really happening in your relationship. Face the truth routinely without idealizing or pretending that your life together is without serious issues.
Live mindfully. Living in the future is common for those in trauma bonds. Are you holding on to the idea that things will be better tomorrow, next week, next year? What is happening in the present? Are you upset, wounded, or stuck?
Notice those feelings. Feeling compromised and disrespected weighs on your self-image. To feel better you have to be clear about how this affects you. Consider a journal. Write through your feelings rather than avoiding or bury them.
Grieve what you are giving up. There’s a good chance that breaking this bond will feel like emotional and physical withdrawal. That’s a sign that you should grieve and move forward, not panic and go back.
It is true that you value and hold on tightly to your relationship. It is not true that it is good for you to do so.
Know that it is perfectly normal and healthy to hurt as you say goodbye. Just don’t continue to hurt yourself by staying stuck and mistreated.
Choose, champion, and safeguard your self-care. It is time for you to recover. Then you can grow, and become strong in yourself. Choose only behaviors, activities, and self-talk that nurtures your thoughts and challenges you put yourself first. The mind-body connection is vital here. Eat, sleep, exercise, and hydrate.
Keep in mind, all of your anxiety is living inside you. Discharge it with deep breathing and muscle relaxation techniques. A routine mantra or meditative practice can provide comfort and support your wellbeing.
Build a healthy life and connections. Construct some dreams and connections that aren’t built around the trauma bond. Ask yourself some questions about your future:
Do you want to go to school?
Do you have interests you want to explore?
Are there people organizations you want to devote time to?
Get in the habit of exercising your free will, investing in yourself, and developing healing, drama-free relationships
Seek a Safe, Supportive Guide
Finally, breaking a trauma bond requires support. Stop operating from a place of weakness, regret, and insecurity. No more shame, embrace awareness. Now is the time to receive support.
Your therapist helps you face the truth and create your own future. Challenge the negative thoughts of the past to forge ahead. It is possible with therapy. Please let us help. Reach out for a free consultation.
Learn more about trauma therapy, body-centered therapies, and more help. Serving Boulder, Longmont, Denver.
For your other needs, you can count on April Lyons Psychotherapy Group, to help you heal and grow through EMDR therapy, somatic therapy, trauma therapy, and PTSD treatment – because we believe in your strength and potential for recovery.
